by Susie and Otto Collins
Why are some people successful at attracting a perfect partner and a great relationship and others are not?
The answer may surprise you...
A woman we'll call "Joyce" thought she was a great "catch" and a "perfect partner" but she wondered why her relationships always seemed to fail.
Here's what she wrote to us--
"I dated men of various ages and cultures but all my relationships ended up in disaster. I constantly searched, hoping for love to come my way. Then I started reading your newsletters. I carried a lot of personal baggage from my past and set unrealistic standards and expectations for my lovers hoping they would fail because I was afraid to fail. I was afraid they would hurt me and disappoint me, so I made sure I would be in control when they did."
In this situation, Joyce has an incredible opportunity in front of her. She can continue as she has been, being fearful and attracting people who will disappoint her or she can learn from what she has discovered about her patterns from the past.
It's been our experience that we attract the people into our lives who show us what we need to heal within ourselves, new possibilities for the future, and the contrast of what we
want and don't want in our lives.
We take the rather contrarian view that there are no relationship mistakes or failures and only opportunities to heal, learn, grow and experience joy.
Even though Joyce thought her relationships were failures, each one was actually another chance to become more emotionally aware of what was going on inside her, what she wanted for her life and to give her an opportunity to heal and create new ways to do it differently.
What we have found is that we keep attracting the same type of person, not just intimate partners, and experiences into our lives until we heal the past and learn to "do it differently."
Several years ago, Otto had a black Buick Century with leather seats. He's very hot natured and since we live in Ohio where the summers are very hot and humid, he suffered in his hot car. He loved the way the car looked on the showroom floor, but his day-to-day experience gave him a powerful lesson of what he didn't want in a car. As you can imagine, he made a clear intention through the power of contrast that his next car would not be black or have leather seats.
He had an opportunity to learn this lesson when he was 18 years old and drove a black Ford Pinto station wagon with no air-conditioning to Tampa, Florida at the beginning of
August. He swore then as he sat in traffic with sweat dripping onto the steering wheel that he'd never have another black car.
Obviously, he hadn't learned this lesson so he needed to bring another black car into his experience.
The point is that Otto has finally learned from this valuable experience and will not buy a black car with leather seats again.
This story is an example of coming to an awareness of what you want and what you don't want and of learning from past experiences that are not "failures" but are opportunities
for expansion and growth.
What we are recommending is that you take the opportunity to become emotionally aware, like Joyce did, as much of the time as possible. Decide that you deserve to have a great relationship and a great life, whatever that means to you.
We are inviting you to learn from the past and the power of contrast so that you can begin creating the life you want.
Here are some ideas to help you...
1. Accept responsibility for your part in past relationships that haven't worked out the way you wanted them to work out. Look for reoccurring patterns that will show you
where you need to heal and then take steps to heal them.
2. Know that there's no such thing as failure in relationships, only experiences that you may not have enjoyed. Identify what you want and don't want in a relationship and partner.
3. Embrace the idea that no matter what has happened in your relationships up until now, the future can be different. Live from a place of possibility.
4. Be happy now. Find joy in being with the people who you are in relationship with now and find ways to bring happiness to others. When you are in a good-feeling place and enjoying life, your perfect partner will show up when you least expect it.
Let go of the past, embrace your promising future and live every moment as if it were your last.
Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins, authors of "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" and "7 Proven Secrets to Attracting Your Perfect Partner" are experts at helping people get more of the love they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a closer, more loving relationship, click below for your free 5-part mini-course: